Irs Gambling Joke
- Bingo Tax – In the 2014 Conservative Party budget ran an political advert stating they would cut the bingo and beer tax to reward hard working people – a good thing. However many looked at this as presenting the Conservatives as out of touch and saying that all hardworking people like beer and bingo.
- Old man tells joke about irs and gambleling. Like and subscribe.
Check out our collection of funny gambling jokes. We are sure they will make you laugh. If you have any gambling jokes as good, upload them at the bottom of this page. 1) I just bet £100 at the bookies that they would find Maddie, at 1000-1 odds. The Tax Court made it clear, and IRS now agrees, that a professional gambler's expenses incurred to engage in the trade or business of gambling are not subject to limitation, but are fully deductible as ordinary and necessary business expenses under Internal Revenue Code §162.
The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) can only tax income that it knows about. For a bold segment of the taxpaying public, this is an invitation to hide as much money from the IRS as possible. Hiding money is a form of underreporting income in which there is no question that the perpetrator is committing tax evasion. You don't 'accidentally' deposit millions of dollars in gambling winnings in an untraceable offshore account. This type of tax evasion requires a knowing intent to cheat the system and is punishable by significant jail time.
Money laundering is a prime example of evading taxes by hiding the source and amount of income. Money laundering is an attempt to disguise illegal income -- from a drug operation, illegal gambling ring or other form of organized crime -- as legitimate income, or to erase evidence of the income altogether.
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In the past, money laundering was primarily accomplished through a front, or shell company, two terms describing an incorporated legitimate business with no real function other than to 'clean' dirty money from an illegal activity [source: Legal Information Institute]. The classic example is a beauty salon or a dry cleaning business that never seems to be open. The money launderers draw up fake invoices and receipts to create the appearance of a thriving business. But instead of earning real income, the money launderers deposit funds earned from the illegal activity. The downside of traditional money laundering is that criminals still have to pay taxes on this phony income.
Today, thanks to a largely electronic banking system, modern money launderers have become experts in hiding both the source and destination of money through complex international banking transactions. For example, a money launderer can set up hundreds of separate bank accounts around the world in different names. He can then deposit small amounts of dirty money in each account so as not to draw attention. This is called layering. Withdrawals from these accounts are equally complex and layered, making it hard for investigators to follow the paper trail.
Foreign or 'offshore' bank accounts are a popular place to hide both illegal and legally earned income. By law, any U.S. citizen with money in a foreign bank account must submit a document called a Report of Foreign Bank and Financial Accounts (FBAR) [source: Internal Revenue Service]. But that doesn't stop millions of Americans from secretly funneling money into untraceable offshore accounts.
The IRS initiated a voluntary offshore disclosure program in 2009, promising limited penalties and no criminal prosecution to people who come clean about unreported money in foreign banks. So far, it has collected $4.4 billion in back taxes from 33,000 separate voluntary disclosures [source: Internal Revenue Service]. Also in 2009, the United States signed a treaty with Switzerland to gain unprecedented access to the Swiss bank accounts of Americans suspected of tax evasion [source: Internal Revenue Service].
Now let's take a closer look at business and corporate tax evasion.
Check out our collection of funny gambling jokes. We are sure they will make you laugh. If you have any gambling jokes as good, upload them at the bottom of this page.
1) I just bet £100 at the bookies that they would find Maddie, at 1000-1 odds. That way, if they ever do find her, I’ll be able to afford a fucking good lawyer.
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2) Chuck-E-Cheese, because it’s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling.
3) My wife has left me because I am a compulsive gambler. I’d do anything to win her back.
4) Poker is like sex – everyone thinks they’re the best, but most people don’t have a clue what they’re doing. Dutch Boyd
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5) What’s the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino? In a casino, you really mean it.
6) A blond girl playing freeroll was taking her time and playing very slow. The timer was started and she still could not take a decision how to play the hand. Her friend asked her with surprise, “What is going on? Why aren’t you playing?” The blond girl replied, “I am playing! I am just slow-playing aces!”
Check out some of the funniest Dumb Blonde Jokes ever
7) Why didn’t the elephant like to play cards in the jungle? Because there were too many cheetahs.
8) They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction. My money’s on Dave.
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9) What did the giraffe say to the tiger at the poker table? I thought you were a cheetah.
10) What’s the difference between a poker player and a dog? In about ten years, the dog quits whining.
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11) Whats the difference between online poker and live poker? You can cry after a bad beat online and no one will laugh at you.
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12) Sign you might have a poker addiction: your kids are named check and raise.
13) I put a thousand pounds on a horse. The fucking thing collapsed.
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14) Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards.
15) “I am looking for the book named ‘How to win easily and fast with poker.'” “Please check at the fantastic literature counter.”
16. Husband Comes Home After Gambling
I came home from the pub four hours late last night.
“Where the fuck have you been?” screamed my wife.
I said, “I’ve been playing poker with some blokes.”
“Playing poker with some blokes?” she repeated. “Well, you can pack your bags and go!”
“So can you,” I said. “This isn’t our house anymore.”
17. Professional Gambler Screws Everyone In The Bar
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, “Bartender, I’d like to buy the house a round of drinks.”
The bartender said, “That’s fine, but we’re in the middle of the Depression, so I’ll need to see some money first.”
The guy pulled out a huge wad of notes and set them on the bar. The bartender can’t believe what he’s seeing. “Where did you get all that money?” asked the bartender.
“I’m a professional gambler,” replied the man.
The bartender said, “There’s no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?”
“Well, I only bet on sure things,” said the guy.
“Like what?” asked the bartender.
“Well, for example, I’ll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye,” he said.
The bartender thought about it. “Okay,” he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. “Aw, you screwed me,” said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
“I’ll give you another chance. I’ll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye,” said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, “Well, I know you’re not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I’ll take that bet.” So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
“Aw, you screwed me again!” protested the bartender.
“That’s how I win so much money, bartender. I’ll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars,” said the man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, “Bartender, I’ll give you one last chance. I’ll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whisky bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop.”
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn’t even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. “Okay, you’re on,” he said.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whisky bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, “Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!”
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, “That’s okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!”
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Related Links: 1. Gambling Jokes from Sickipedia.org 2. Gambling Jokes from Jokes4us.com